So that is the reason.

When I made this blog and picked the name ‘the life I have chosen’ I was referring the the military but am learning quite quickly that I had no idea what I had really chosen for a life.  The military is one thing but then there is the fire department, being a wife to the man serving in both of those as well as motherhood.  Motherhood, I am learning, is the most difficult out of all of those.  I would never have believed it until these past 3 1/2 yrs but it’s true, being a mom is the hardest job out there.

When Jordan was born 3 1/2 yrs ago I was so excited!  His birth story in its self is a horror story and I am sure at some point I will use it to embarrass him.  There have been so many times that I have wondered if how he was acting was normal.  He has always been ‘different’ then his peers in how he acts to certain things.  I have talked to Dr’s and always been told, ‘its the age.  This too will pass.’  Deep down, in my gut I knew that it wasn’t going to pass, but, I didn’t know where to turn.  I have researched so many different areas, ADD, ADHD, Autism and he has ‘symptoms’ of each of those but never enough to really say he had them.  I have never wanted a label put on him but have been craving answers. There are just things that I need some tools on how to handle, and age has nothing to do with those actions.

Over the past few months I have been really searching for some answers because as he gets older his actions are getting worse and its not because I let him get away with things it is because something is wrong.  One day I happened to be reading a post on a mommy face book page that said something about Sensory Processing Disorder.  I had heard of it but knew absolutely nothing about it but I could tell from the comments that Jordan had some of those issues.  Yesterday I decided that I was going to research it and see if that would lead me anywhere.  As I read the websites I began to see a light and it got brighter and brighter the more I read.  I ventured questions in a couple mom sites that I am apart of and got some good information including a check list.  While filling out the check list I started to cry.  Not because I was sad but because I was relieved to finally be affirmed that I was right and because of anger.  Anger at the Dr that kept brushing me off, angry at family that kept telling me that I was just looking for an excuse of why he was acting that way and angry at myself for not finding this soon.

As my family and I embark on this new journey with Jordan I will share as we learn.  We have not had him tested yet but have started the work to get it accomplished.  We are breathing a sigh of relief because now our sweet little boy will be able to learn tools on how to handle his feelings and we will be given tools to help guide him to be the compassionate, helpful, sweet, funny and energetic little boy that we love.